If at first you don’t succeed,
Try, try, try again
Sylvia Lafair, Contributing Writer May 27, 2015, 10:06am EDT
Master manipulators are cagey. They don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. They smile and talk the talk of emotional intelligence and yet, what is on their sleeves are knives and hammers, and small vials of poison.
In my career as a consultant, I’ve come across numerous types of destructive workplace behavior, but none are quite as devastating as the effects of a master manipulator.
Here’s a story from one company that I advised, and although the names have been changed, the tale is true — and unfortunately, all too common.
“Ted” is a master manipulator. Or at least that is what everyone is finally saying. However, when he first came to the company, he was seen as a hero, a superman, a brilliant strategist.
His best strategy, now that the air is clearing, was to make sure that anyone who had close ties to “Danielle” the entrepreneur — who started a highly successful clothing company — would soon be led to the exit and the door would be locked behind them.
Master manipulators are cagey. They don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. They smile and talk the talk of emotional intelligence and yet, what is on their sleeves are knives and hammers, and small vials of poison.
Ted was great at clean up. He was known for his brilliance in saving several companies on the brink of bankruptcy. He had always been smart enough to have iron-clad contracts that gave him big bucks for his hard work. He was also smart enough to leave prior companies when his skill and talent as a turnaround artist were no longer needed.
Setting his sights
Ted wanted control of Danielle’s company. He did not want to go anywhere else. He had, he told his wife, found his home. He loved the possibilities to make this into a billion-dollar organization in only a few more years, and then it would be smooth sailing into the twilight of retirement.
Ted only knew one way. He was a slice-em-and-dice-em kinda guy. He was a splitter who knew how to use rumor and innuendo to create rifts. He knew how to humiliate those he wanted gone and compliment those he wanted to control.
Ted knew there were only two types of individuals he had to contend with at work: those who followed his orders and those who had to leave.
After five years, he thought he had everything handled. He had his perfect leadership team, skilled and talented and living on automatic. Most of the ones who could think for themselves and challenge either quit out of desperation or were fired for whatever reason was acceptable to HR.
Fate steps in
Then Danielle was diagnosed with cancer. It was caught early, and with chemo and radiation, the prognosis looked good. Yet, the wake-up call of a major illness broke the spell Danielle had lived with for half a decade.
She was determined to look at the legacy she would leave behind, just in case the cancer proved more potent than the medical community thought.
Ted’s old model of conquer and control leadership began to backfire. Danielle had depended on Ted. He was her business hero. Yet now she started to ask questions and those who had been under his spell began to speak out. Once questions are asked, and once fear is banished, splitters and manipulators lose their steam.
Last battle
Splitters thrive on misunderstandings, unresolved conflicts, stress, frustration and gossip. Ted desperately defended, explained and justified his position and his decisions.
Yesterday was Ted’s last day at the company. No party, no sadness, no tears. Instead, everyone was smiling and singing, “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” and Danielle, now stronger than ever after the cancer, wore ruby-red slippers as she walked into offices and open spaces to talk about the dawn of a new, splitter-free era.
Lessons for your company
What can you learn from the story of Ted and Danielle? Here are five lessons to consider when dealing with a manipulator and splitter:
- Trust your intuition: If it feels like splitting and manipulation, it is.
- Ask deeper questions: Do not just accept the surface reasons why someone should leave. Never give up being part of the process.
- Have a team approach: Rather than merely letting one person take charge, have a core team to discuss what is happening.
- Create progress reviews: This is not just about the fiscal bottom line, include the emotional climate that is being created.
- Challenge the goals: Make sure strategy is long range and inclusive, not just the desires of one individual
Sylvia Lafair is president of Creative Energy Options, a global consulting firm. Her focus on people skills takes her to companies such as Novartis, McGraw Hill, Microsoft, family firms, and entrepreneurial companies where she helps develop solid teams and heighten productivity. Her Total Leadership Connections program has been named one of the top leadership programs by H.R.com. Her books include “Gutsy: How Women Leaders Make Change” and “Unique: How Story Sparks Diversity, Inclusion, and Engagement.”
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